I remember the day Sharon was born. We had been to see a film the night before: ‘Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid’, I think. Through the night I had the most awful backache, so in the morning Sharon’s Dad rang for an ambulance. I didn’t think it was really necessary, but he was panicking a bit. The ambulance people looked after me really nicely and took me to Lancaster Royal Infirmary.
I was there by about 8 in the morning and all through that day I was on the bed having contractions every 10 minutes. I went through all the preparation palaver: the shaving, the enema and everything else, but I still seemed no nearer to having the baby. The nurses noticed me at about 8 in the evening and realised that the birth was imminent. No time for epidurals or even gas and air, it was down to the delivery room. “Push! Push!”, then “Breathe, breathe”. It was very scary. I remember thinking that you can change your mind about so many things, but when you’re having a baby you can’t change your mind even though it hurts so much. I didn’t expect my back to hurt like it did. But it didn’t last for too long. At last there was the baby. As the nurses held her up and she cried, I asked, “Is she alright?” And they said, “Yes”. It was such a relief! She was all right. She was fine!
So that’s where I had my beautiful baby girl. No husband or family there, just the nurses. I was still thinking, “I hope the baby’s OK.” She had dark hair, all sleeked close to her head, and tiny features, fingers, toes. The nurses told me she was 7lb 15oz. She was a healthy baby girl, thank goodness! She was beautiful.
I was in hospital for 6 days and got lots of attention from the nurses because I was breast-feeding. A few of the women from an Asian background were breast-feeding too, but most women in the ward were bottle-feeding and the nurses didn’t really approve. They were pleased I was breast-feeding and encouraged me to go on with it.
Visitors came and went. Sharon had a little pink tag around her wrist to say who she was. Sharon’s Dad and I had decided on the names between us: we both liked ‘Sharon’; he chose ‘Odelle’ and I chose ‘Joann’, so she was Sharon Joann Odelle Carney. What a mouthful for a small baby!
As the time in hospital came to a close I realised that it was my responsibility to look after this little person. How could I keep her warm enough? How could I bath her, feed her, dress her on my own; she seemed so small and fragile. It was scary! But it was my job now. I could do it.
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I suppose I should write about how I felt when I found out I was pregnant. I was still at college, going out with this bloke, but not at all sure I wanted to marry him. It seemed too much of a risk, as he was very much a single man. I was so frightened of telling anyone. My father was a vicar. He and my mum had always done things “the proper way”. What would they say? They’d be so disappointed in me. What should I do? This was the sixties, when some girls were still put into a mental home for getting pregnant. I thought of the possibility of having an abortion; it was still early in the pregnancy; the doctors would probably do it. Should I get the baby adopted? No, I wanted this baby! I was going to keep it! I knew it was the right thing to do.
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I remember lots of birthdays. There were ones when I took Sharon and her friends to the rec. in Wantage and they climbed and ran and laughed and paddled in the paddling pool; one of the advantages of an August birthday is that you never have to go to school on the day!
On Sharon’s third birthday it was a traumatic time as we had just left Lancaster to get away from Sharon’s Dad. My friend Lindsay had invited us to go to her place at Cheltenham so we had gone there for sanctuary. Not many people knew where we were. Lindsay made us very welcome after a long coach journey. The next day Lindsay took us to the Cotswold Rare Breeds centre at Guiting Power, as it was Sharon’s birthday. She had fun seeing all the animals, especially feeding the goats, some of which tried to eat our coats and bags!
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I remember the birthday when Richard and Sharon and I were on holiday on the Norfolk broads. We were camping and exploring, looking at windmills and airfields. I seem to remember that I bought her a watch, plus a funny furry thing from a garage, plus a blow up dolphin. Was that the holiday when we teased each other about the ‘Lilt’ advert? Penalty for singing that very catchy tune, “Lilt with the totally tropical taste”, was a “Bop!” from the blow up dolphin! That was the holiday when we visited the place where I had lived as a child, a huge house called The Grange. We bumped into Jack Alexander, the gamekeeper, and his new wife. They were so pleased to see us and invited us back to their house for a cup of tea.
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There was the birthday when I took Sharon to see a version of “Midsummer Night’s Dream” at Oxford Playhouse. She was eight at the time and I wondered if she would enjoy it, but they had fantastic acrobatics in it and we both loved it.
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I remember Sharon’s 21st birthday. I wanted it to be really special because her 18th had been a bit disappointing; we couldn’t get hold of various people she wanted to invite, as it was the summer holidays. I’d organised someone else to make the cake, which was shaped like an opening book. It had pretty pink icing and looked lovely so I was pleased. By this time Sharon was with M and we all met up at the Fox at Denchworth for a meal. It was a lovely evening because Sharon and M were so happy together and she loved special occasions and celebrating. I have several photos that remind me of a very happy evening.
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I wrote this song a year after Sharon had died, when I was missing all the happy times we’d had, especially now it was her birthday again. She would have been 36. I had gone down to the allotment to pick the runner beans and while I was picking the beans the song came into my head.
Happy Birthday
Chorus:
Happy birthday to you, my sweet darling.
Happy birthday to you, my sweet one.
I still want to say “Happy birthday” to you
And I miss you now you’re gone.Oh, do they remember in heaven
That this is the day you were born?
‘Cause I still remember that special day
I first held you and called you my own.You used to have cakes and candles
And parties and trips to the park.
I can see happy pictures behind my closed eyes
As I sit here in the dark.When you love someone, love is forever
And grief is the price that you pay
If you really and truly love someone
And then they go far away.I am so glad that you were my sweet one
And I know, although tears start to fall
That I would much rather have had the pain
Than to never have known you at all.
